Monday, July 20, 2009

The Throes of Tour Fever

Conversation with my friends and family this time of year goes something like this:

Friend: Well, I have to admit, the Tour de France is more interesting than I thought it would be.

Me: Are you KIDDING me? It’s ASTOUNDING! These guys grind away on their bicycles for five or six hours a DAY, for three solid WEEKS, over the biggest MOUNTAINS in Europe, in 90-degree HEAT! They don’t take breaks except to jump off and pee once in a blue moon! I complain when I have to sit in my office chair for a couple hours straight – can you imagine sitting on a hard sliver of a bicycle saddle ALL DAY and having to push your legs that entire time? There’s brutal competition, in-fighting, mind games, some team director yelling in their earpiece, constant eating and hydrating while riding – and then comes the hard part, the endless suffering up the mountains! Then, when they’re through for the day – for the 17th day in a row, let’s say – two tons of FANS want autographs and the media stick MICROPHONES AND CAMERAS in their faces and expect them to be friendly, intelligent and forthcoming!! And a lot of them ARE!!!! It’s unbelievable, it’s the most impressive, scenic, elegant, old-world sport in the WHOLE UNIVERSE!!!

Friend: [Eyes have rolled back in sockets…] Yeah, I’ll have to tune in… maybe next year…

6 comments:

Suitcase of Courage said...

LOL!

Sounds *awfully* familiar...

Glenn_in_MA said...

Ditto that!

juancho said...

GO SCHLEEEEEEEECKS!!!

yeah, the tour is ok.

Velosopher said...

I like the Shlecks, too -- old world Euro PROs.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Uh.....I got up this morning and the tour is over. DANG IT! Now what do we do?

Velosopher said...

Uhh... good question... go back to work?

Um, I mean, "Go back to being the sparkling conversationalists and worthy friends we were before all this madness started." Yeah -- that's the ticket!